The Captain's Chair
by battlevalkyrie
Summary: A fanfic about Janeway and her feelings on events that occur in her life and on the ship. I have never done a Janeway fanfic but really like her as a character and thought I would take a stab at it. I'm not a J/C fan so don't expect that to happen, Sorry.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek nor it's characters.

She couldn't believe how quickly she'd been sucked into a world that was not her own. She'd even formed a relationship with someone, someone she wished she could still be with. Although she had had her memories altered it was her personality and a great deal of herself was aware of what she was doing.

Jaffen had been her type, someone strong and kind with some gray hair to distinguish his appearance. True, she'd liked a few men without gray hair but she did prefer it. For some reason it made her feel young and fulfilled some vanity she had indulged from time to time. He was the perfect man for her, and yet she was knocked back into reality, a reality where she couldn't have a relationship with a real person because they were all members of her crew, and if he had come with them he would have been a crew member.

She had cried that night after he left for the planet, heartbroken that she'd lost someone she cared deeply for. Would she ever get home? If she didn't get home she would never have real love in her life, at least not romantic love. She often indulged herself in a relationship with a holographic character, and that was probably as real as it would ever get.


	2. Chapter 2

As she sat in her quarters, reflecting on the events of the meeting she'd just had with the bridge crew and the revelation of Chakotay and Seven's relationship, she was happy for them. It felt right to her somehow that they be together and she was glad to see that they made each other happy. She couldn't help but feel a bit melancholy for herself, though she wouldn't show them that. She walked over to the replicator "coffee, black" she ordered quietly. "Computer," she said rubbing the back of her neck, "play Summertime from my musical selection". She sat back in her recliner and closed her eyes in quiet reflection as the music played.

Walkin' down picket fence  
>Run my hands along the edge and<br>Music plays in my head  
>Hear the song before I go to bed when<br>Stars are bright outside my window  
>Wake up to tree boughs filled up with snow<br>And I remember, oh I remember  
>I remember my summer with you<p>

As the music played images flashed through her mind, Chakotay smiling at her as they looked up at the trees on the planet they had been stranded on together so long ago. The laughs they had shared and how for a moment, though brief as it was, she had considered making more than a friendship with him.

Cherry popsicles sand in my toes  
>Rolled down windows, hold my hand, hold me close<br>Pick up your phone, wanna hear your voice again  
>Like a fresh air like a windblown hair<br>I like you I don't care  
>Why did it have to end?<br>Summer love with my best friend  
>(with my best friend)<p>

It was as if it was yesterday that she had only just met him, and yet it had been years, and she knew all too well that nothing would come of it from the beginning. She did care for him, and he for her but it had grown into a comfortable and long lasting friendship that they would always share. She was happy with that, they both were.

West coast winter breeze  
>As it blows through the palm trees and they<br>Where they raid bands and spray tans  
>Oh I wish it was summer again when<br>Stars are bright outside my window  
>Wake up this song echoes off my pillow<br>And I remember, oh I remember  
>I remember my summer with you<p>

Still, she couldn't help but look back fondly on the memory of that short time they spent on the planet. They weren't compatable in that way, and she knew it. But it was a nice memory to keep none the less. She hoped that he and Seven would share many years of happiness together.

Cherry popsicles sand in my toes  
>Rolled down windows, hold my hand, hold me close<br>Pick up your phone, wanna hear your voice again  
>Like a fresh air like a windblown hair<br>I like you I don't care  
>Why did it have to end?<br>Summer love with my best friend  
>(with my best friend) <p>

She couldn't help but wonder if she would ever find the kind of love they obviously shared, but for now she had her memories. It almost felt like she was losing something, a hope perhaps? A possibility? But she had always known it would never be.

I fly to you all the way across the states  
>I'd fly to you, hear me the winter day<br>Oh, I'd follow the sun  
>And come right to your door<br>i remember my summer with you

She smiled as the song began to end, yes that was what it was, a possiblity and now that it was gone forever a new door would open for her she knew. Perhaps they would make it home and she would find love, until then she would revel in the happiness of her friends and dream of what the future might hold for her. She sat up and opened her eyes, she knew she'd always have two of the best friends she could ask for.

Cherry popsicles sand in my toes  
>Rolled down windows, hold my hand, hold me close<br>Pick up your phone, wanna hear your voice again  
>Like a fresh air like a windblown hair<br>I like you I don't care  
>Why did it have to end?<br>Summer love with my best friend  
>(with my best friend) X 2<p> 


End file.
